Democrats predict Trump will destroy the Sun on August 21

Democrat lawmakers and climate change scientists warn that Trump’s disastrous environmental policies will culminate in the destruction of the Sun on August 21, 2017. 

Since taking office, Donald Trump has been rolling back Obama-era policies that curbed climate change on the pretense of liberating business owners from unnecessary job-killing regulations. However we now know that President Obama’s environmental regulations were the only thing keeping the world from being plunged into total darkness. 

“Less than a year ago, none of us could imagine a President Trump ...,” Nobel laureate Al Gore said while on a tour promoting his new movie An Inconvenient Squeal. “... Now imagine a world without a Sun!” 

Most scientists believe that the destruction of the Sun will be an extinction level event, turning the Earth into frozen wasteland where the surface temperature will be minus 400 degrees Fahrenheit. However climate change scientists like hockey-stick inventor Dr. Michael Mann warn that not even the destruction of the Sun will counter man-made global warning. 

A protest of Trump’s Sun-destroying presidency is planned for August 21. While climate scientists, environmentalists, and Hollywood celebrities pray to Gaia, Senator Maxine Waters intends to introduce legislation to create a new sun named the “Hillary Clinton Star” which should appear after a few minutes of darkness.  Thanks to The People's Cube

Recent Polls reveal that a majority of Republicans support Global Warming

A recent study done by S.H.I.T. (Sam Houston Institute of Technology) revealed that although 95% of Republican don't believe in man-made global warming, the 5% that actually believe it to be real are appreciative of it's perceived effects on the planet.  The rising of the ocean's water is seen as part of a natural cleansing cycle essential to the evolution of higher life forms on coastlines of America and around the world.  Apparently, over a period of centuries these coastal plains have given rise to species of human increasingly dependent on others for their very existence.  These coastal dwellers, for the most part, are a conglomeration of misfits unable to survive the villages and small towns from which they migrated in order to hide their obvious failures.  They are only too aware that in the teeming coastal metropolises they will be little more than a face in the crowd virtually invisible to all passerby's.  This new species or should I say sub-species of human is in a real sense a throwback, to the distant age of scavenger-like  cave-dwellers who depend on the kill of their distant cousins for their very existence.  It is these dwellers of Metropolis that see the onrushing threat of  global warming, whether real or imagined, as a danger to their meager way of life.  But unlike the Noah of old, refuse to build an ark.  It is little wonder that those living outside these great bubbles will not shed so much as a single tear when the bubble collapses and the cleansing waters rush in.       

Vegans and Mexican Bean-Eaters causing Global Warming

A recent study done at the prestigious Sam Houston Institution of Technology better know as S.H.I.T. has found that flagellant emissions by Veegan's was three times higher than that of people who have a mixed diet of meat and vegetables. The extensive study was conducted over a five year period and included the participation of some 5,000 volunteers divided evenly between meat-eaters and non-meat eaters. Some environmentalist groups and P.E.T.A. located in San Francisco are already questioning the legitimacy of this report claiming that S.H.I.T. has large endowments from wealthy cattle ranchers, adding this report does not pass the smell test. Additionally, F.A.R.T. the Federal Association of Retired Tomato-growers has condemned the report. However, members of the Board of Regents at S.H.I.T. are standing by the results. Furthermore they are now claiming that by eating meat people are, in fact, cutting down on green house gas emissions countering the argument by environmental groups that livestock are contributing to global warming and therefore should be taxed accordingly. Scientist at S.H.I.T. point out a well know fact to back up their findings, "Bean-eaters fart more than Big Mac eaters".

Meanwhile inside sources at the White House indicate many of the staff are in disarray over the contents of this reports with some staffers and interns calling for a separate eating areas for the Vegans in the cafeteria and a designated Vegan break areas outside. As usually the President hasn't yet taken a position on these rapidly developing events. The situation on Capital Hill is about the same with some meat-eating Senators demanding Vegans be excluded from certain "closed door hearings". Things appear to be spinning out of control as both sides harden their positions. A few of the meat-eating Senators are now calling for a special tax to be levied on all beans sold in the country to buy carbon credits. The senior senator from Texas is planning to introduce a bill calling for a nationwide ban on Vegans in all public eating places, and in all closed places where large crowd gather. Again the President's position is unclear on this fast moving story. Outside the White House protesters from both sides are gathering with those on the Vegan side hurling unseen missiles at the meat-eaters! Capital police with gas masks have be observed arresting some of the Vegans and hauling them off in Hazmat vehicles. As this situation unfolds trading on the Chicago Mercantile Exchange has been wild with cattle futures soaring while bean futures are tumbling with most other commodities remaining stable. Meanwhile the man on the street was saying these stinking politicians have finally been exposed and he was grateful to S.H.I.T.  While at the same time members of the Republican National Committee are calling for the immediate deportation of all illegal bean-eaters claiming they pose an unacceptable environmental threat because of their excessive emission of green house gases such as methane and further pointing out that as of this time there is no way to successfully cap or regulate these frequent and often violent eruptions..  

Although President Obama's public position remains neutral some White House correspondences report overhearing some muffled remarks yesterday as the president left the safety of his TOTUS. The meaning of these unguarded remarks is yet to be aired.

A recent study done at the prestigious Sam Houston Institution of Technology better know as S.H.I.T. has found that flagellant emissions by Veegan's was three times higher than that of people who have a mixed diet of meat and vegetables. The extensive study was conducted over a five year period and included the participation of some 5,000 volunteers divided evenly between meat-eaters and non-meat eaters. Some environmentalist groups and P.E.T.A. located in San Francisco are already questioning the legitimacy of this report claiming that S.H.I.T. has large endowments from wealthy cattle ranchers, adding this report does not pass the smell test. Additionally, F.A.R.T. the Federal Association of Retired Tomato-growers has condemned the report. However, members of the Board of Regents at S.H.I.T. are standing by the results. Furthermore they are now claiming that by eating meat people are, in fact, cutting down on green house gas emissions countering the argument by environmental groups that livestock are contributing to global warming and therefore should be taxed accordingly. Scientist at S.H.I.T. point out a well know fact to back up their findings, "Bean-eaters fart more than Big Mac eaters".

Meanwhile inside sources at the White House indicate many of the staff are in disarray over the contents of this reports with some staffers and interns calling for a separate eating areas for the Vegans in the cafeteria and a designated Vegan break areas outside. As usually the President hasn't yet taken a position on these rapidly developing events. The situation on Capital Hill is about the same with some meat-eating Senators demanding Vegans be excluded from certain "closed door hearings". Things appear to be spinning out of control as both sides harden their positions. A few of the meat-eating Senators are now calling for a special tax to be levied on all beans sold in the country to buy carbon credits. The senior senator from Texas is planning to introduce a bill calling for a nationwide ban on Vegans in all public eating places, and in all closed places where large crowd gather. Again the President's position is unclear on this fast moving story. Outside the White House protesters from both sides are gathering with those on the Vegan side hurling unseen missiles at the meat-eaters! Capital police with gas masks have be observed arresting some of the Vegans and hauling them off in Hazmat vehicles. As this situation unfolds trading on the Chicago Mercantile Exchange has been wild with cattle futures soaring while bean futures are tumbling with most other commodities remaining stable. Meanwhile the man on the street was saying these stinking politicians have finally been exposed and he was grateful to S.H.I.T.  While at the same time members of the Republican National Committee are calling for the immediate deportation of all illegal bean-eaters claiming they pose an unacceptable environmental threat because of their excessive emission of green house gases such as methane and further pointing out that as of this time there is no way to successfully cap or regulate these frequent and often violent eruptions..  

Although President Obama's public position remains neutral some White House correspondences report overhearing some muffled remarks yesterday as the president left the safety of his TOTUS. The meaning of these unguarded remarks is yet to be aired.