Zombiephobic Republicans would deprive the dead of their voting rights

Washington DC - An insider source close to our insider source has informed his anonymous source at the Washington Post that 300 confidential insiders inside the White House are the unidentified anonymous sources who overheard the president's call to issue voter ID cards to citizens who can prove they are still alive at the date of issuance. 

These voting ID cards will renew on the birthdate of the still-breathing. The purpose of the voter IDs is to limit the votes of every now-Democrat non-breather to only four voting districts that have no buttons on voting machines that can count Republican votes. A voting supervisor in Chicago's South Side explained, as he pointed to faded Obama Hope & Change posters arrayed around us: "We don't think that Republicans can provide a good reason why they should breathe."  More....