Fly Unfriendly Skies of United

United Airlines proudly presents it's new seating division

United Airlines will not be beat, even if you take their seat. Previously, airlines were required to pay passengers four times their ticket price if they were more than 4 hours late, but United now has a deal beater. If they need a passenger's seat, they will simply beat them and drag them from the plane. This way, they keep costs low for the little people, while kicking the teeth in of uppity, fancy white doctors.